I had made a similar post on reddit r/trans as well with the same account name.

Hello, if my account name was not a dead giveaway this is a throwaway account.

I am a twenty year old AMAB from India and I am very confused regarding my gender. I live near Delhi and though the culture is very open, there is no one in my circle who is trans. I have tried exploring my gender identity (mostly by comparing my feeling with those that other trans women have wrote they felt, anything aside from this, like cross dressing, might be too costly for me) but I feel like I am working in a vaccum. My question is if there is some resource than can accurately tell if I am trans. For reference, I have already read the gender dysphoria bible, I tick some but not all boxes in imposter and social dysphoria descriptions.

I have read accounts of various trans women and my experience is very different from them. I never felt uncomfortable due to my penis, I never felt as if I was better off as a woman as a kid. As a kid, up until I was 16, I was bullied as a “Chakha”, it is a derogatory term for trans people in north india, I don’t know if it is influencing my feelings. Due to that it took me some time to stop lashing out to be my knee jerk reaction to being called or compared to a girl.

As for reasons I think I might be trans is that nearly every few months I get these intense feelings that I wish I could be a woman. During one of those I nearly cried thinking that I can never be a mother. But these feelings pass by very quickly. Even though I prefer interacting online and even in games through a female persona most of my hobbies are male coded (like FPS games, wargaming, etc). I also hate keeping a beard and hate my belly, others tell me I am not that fat but I don’t feel great about it. Also sometimes I need to stop myself from acting a little too feminine. There was this one time when a friend used a male to female filter on me, I kept gushing about how cute the photo was the entire day.

Any help in this is very much appreciated. This is my first time writing in a forum so please forgive me for any mistakes. Thank you

  • Sapphiria 🏳️‍⚧️ [she/her]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    12·
    1 year ago

    I found this blog post, titled The Null HypotheCis, to be pretty helpful when I was questioning. To summarize, basically it can be helpful to stop treating being cis as the default, and treat both cis and trans as equal possibilities. That can be a much better way to frame things, as it allows you to consider if you are cis in the same way you are trying to consider if you are trans. For me, that made it much clearer that I wasn’t cis.

    So to put it another way - you listed a few reasons you think you’re trans, but it’s worth asking yourself what reasons you have for thinking you’re cis. And how do those two stack up against each other?