The boss walks in, there’s someone on the phone for you:
- Phone: “Hi, I’m the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you’re right! We want you to run things from here on out.”
- You: “Do I get supreme retcon powers?”
- Phone: “Of course! We’ll even retroactively edit in your changes!”
Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?
The Wheel of Time show… Change it to be like the books. I felt like the books read well and could have been adapted without changing much. Keep to the source material and embellish areas that weren’t as well discussed like east of the waste, the islands to the west, etc.
HBO can pump out a whole 'nother Game Of Thrones spin off that I couldn’t give a fuck about but they can’t reshoot the last 2 seasons and maybe add a few more to fix the fucking mess that we ended up with…
Give Voyager one final, long episode with a proper sendoff (instead of the half-assed one they did), where we can see how the characters actually ended up in the coming years. With an epic orchestral soundtrack, at least one really good space battle scene and a lot of pathos, it deserves it! ST: Picard is also considered non-canon (the first two seasons have been a shitshow and the third was just nostalgia-bait anyway). So nothing that happened to Seven of Nine in that plotline ever officially happened and the final Voyager episode can utilize some talented writers to make it good.
…and also delete the episode where some crew members become animals and bang each other, because excuse me, what the fuck was that?
I’m cutting the original storyline of Five Nights at Freddy’s off at the third game and removing Afton’s weird implied Pamela-Voorhees-meets-Gendo-Ikari motivation for his murders; he kills for a feeling of power and punishment. As much as I like the sci-fi elements, they utterly ruin his character. I’d also remove 3’s cutscene of him coming back: he’s dead, and he stays dead.
However, I do believe there would be room for sequels after that. I think it could be neat to have games skipping straight to the Vanny story and making her an actual developed villain as well as a real copycat killer, perhaps even starting a small cult of sorts around the Fazbear brand and Afton’s legacy.
World of Warcraft, I’m making the Legion no longer all aliens, they’re demons from Hell again. Also the Draenei look exclusively like the Broken, no pretty goats allowed.
Yes I am retconning a retcon, it’s been ~20 years and it still bothers me! also ig Shadowlands never happened, just for good measure.
Star Trek.
Everything after Voyager gets axed completely. 100% retconned. Doesn’t exist. You can’t even joke about happenings in it in any new works.
Voyager and DS9 themselves get trimmed down. DS9 loses 75% of its episodes, Dominion war erased, mundane space station stuff instead, no religious weirdness validated. Voyager gets better ending but retains most of its episodes.
ToS gets turned into legendary chronicles rather than full canon with the more absurd less science bits cut out or reduced to the fantasies of the chronicler. Main stories and characters retained with >=80% of it surviving. Movies from both ToS and TNG era retain full canon status.
It is established that alternative dimensions are extremely limited in number, you cannot do Marvel universe #69 stuff with it, the main one is the nega-universe with evil everything and a few other isolated pocket universes that are short-lived and unstable (often as a result of warp core implosion weirdness and such).
All existing writers and producers currently associated or associated since the end of the Voyager era are summarily fired with prejudice. New ones are hired and quizzed by me to ensure at least the main producers are communists like Roddenberry and do not want to turn my hopeful FALGSC property into grim-dark in space IP number 3. Prominent transgender characters are MANDATORY in the new series and other steps will be taken to drive every last reactionary out of what’s left of the fan-base.
It becomes studio policy to viciously copyright strike anyone uploading video of retconned parts of the IP to any platform as well as to bully journalist insiders with access into adopting the new line by excluding anyone who disagrees with it from access or favor.
On Section 31 and ideology
Section 31 as an organization is rewritten, it exists but is full of the most die-hard communists you’ll ever encounter, they use a modified hammer and sickle with a third more spacey symbol as their crest and do NOT dress like Nazis but like communists in dress and battle uniforms inspired by real world communist movements. They are charged with neutralizing dangerous reactionaries within the federation admiralty and power structure as well as being foreign intelligence. Notes are given to the writers that they are shadowy but heroic, decent, and good as well as very dedicated and the organization screens for and staffs itself with selfless individuals. Several new episodes involving their members getting into time travel and holodeck shenanigans in 1930s, 1940s USSR where they are wowed and amazed at the heroes of old around them.
I…BNW? LD?
Completely jettison all of Star Trek Discovery and the Section 31 movie.
Immediately reshoot Season 8 of GOT with what I thought was going to happen.
Star Wars Episode 1-3 revamped with better actors and writing.
Everything Disney except Rogue One related material gets scrapped and redone.
Can midichlorians be eliminated ?
you no like jar jar binks? what did general jar jar binks do to you? 🤪
He took up 17.5% of the screen time in Episode 1, all of it annoying pointless nonsense … that’s what he did.
Retconning basically every character death retcon they’ve made in Yakuza over the years, and making Pirates completely non-canon because what the fuck
Delete everything that happened in the Battletech lore for where the last civil war book ended. Then keep writing the civil war timeline so it’s actually finished instead of where it’s been left.
Oh man, I think we could be friends.
I have most of Dark Age on my shelf but I’ve barely read it.
Lol yeah, I was reading them chronologically…60-ish books in or whatever I’m like wait… You just gonna leave it at Vlad and the Steiner-Davions like that?! I don’t get a resolution for Kathryn? I don’t get a resolution for my peeps in the Wolves in a Exile?! Just gonna jump decades into the future?
Well I don’t like that at all…
Make the latest rick and morty season actually funny and good.
Ironically, that would probably end up with a different season of slop
The writers haven’t been subtle, though the episodes they’ve been directly saying they don’t know what people want from them and they keep getting told to be more like season 1
Well, we got something like season 1. The characters undid their character development and the episodes are aimless riffs off of classic sci-fi and cosmic horror
I think I’d just get the writing staff off of social media and pay them to hang out in a comfy room until they have an idea they’re excited about again
roiland was sadly a cornerstone of the show.
He really wasn’t. He had been out of the writing process for multiple seasons, they had him recording off site
The cracks have been showing for years now, I won’t deny he has an energy to his voice acting, but the replacements are fine. The problem is the writing
I’ll agree with that.
The Legend of Korra spoilers:
spoiler
Korra doesn’t stakelessly get her bending back 15 seconds after losing it to Amon. They had the opportunity to give her the self-discovery arc that they tried to shoehorn into the post-Zaheer poison recovery.
The series could’ve had much better footing, in my opinion, if Korra had wrestle with that just a bit longer. Instead, a bunch of bald people show up and say, “I got you, Holmes,” and then she’s good as new.
It’s been a while, and I’ve lost some of my steam over this. But yeah, that’s the only one I’ve got the energy to type out right now.
Jar Jar is the sith lord as intended.
That time Janeway and Paris hit Warp 10 in Star Trek.
Such a cool concept ruined by such a stupid episode.
Also Trip doesn’t die.
You’d kill their children?! *le gasp* you monster!
