Might help also to describe what you think feminism is, since it’s one of those terms that is overloaded.
I once had a physical therapist tell me she wasn’t a feminist because she thought women couldn’t be as physically capable as men when serving as soldiers, and seemed to believe feminism requires treating women exactly like men.
I told her I was a feminist because I believe in equal rights for men and women, an idea she did not seem so opposed to.
what is striking to me is how your thinking about feminism is on the scale of your own experiences and interactions with people - i.e. feminism for you is about being an asshole or a nice person to people based on how they interact with you, but not based on their gender … but what is missing from this is any social or structural awareness of how women are treated differently, not necessarily by individuals, but by policies and more subtle differences, like the absence of women in positions of power (as politicians for example).
Not that there is anything wrong about reflecting on the ways that bias manifests on the individual scale, it just feels so different from what I typically encounter as feminism (which is more about activism and furthering equal rights and so on).
I think you’re misunderstanding my point.
Feminism isn’t about being an asshole vs a nice person. It’s about equality and it extends beyond gender.
Why are women treated differently? Why aren’t they given the same respect as everyone else? Why should anyone be denied an equal place in society based on things like race, class, gender etc.?
My only point about assholes is that an individual who is truly opposed to equality, is simply an asshole. Even assholes opposed to equality are still entitled to the same rights as anyone else, but the consequences of being an asshole (people not respecting or associating with you because you acted like a disrespectful asshole) are not violations of your rights.